An orgasm is the highest point of an individual’s sexual response cycle and is usually accompanied by or recognized as a series of rhythmic contractions in the genital muscles. In men this is the point at which ejaculation occurs. At the most basic, primal level, orgasms feel good to ensure that we like and choose to engage in sexual activity in order to procreate and ensure the survival of our species. While that’s all well and good and necessary, what is actually happening in our bodies and minds that is making us feel so damn good?
When we reach orgasm, all of the feel good hormones and chemicals in our bodies, including dopamine, oxytocin, and prolactin are released and leave us with a feeling of intense pleasure. During an orgasm, the nervous systems’ pleasure centres are at their maximum. Interestingly, while many parts of the brain become active during sexual arousal, there are other areas that decrease in activity during orgasm. These include the areas responsible for our thoughts about ourselves and our fears, and the region that monitors mistakes.
This suggests that when we experience an orgasm, we are in a state without fear and we’re not concerning ourselves with plans for the future. As Anjan Chatterjee says in The Aesthetic Brain, the brain is in a “state of purely transcendent experience enveloping a core experience of pleasure”. These hormones also play a role in helping us feel connected to the person we shared the experience with which gives us a sense of belonging, and that makes everyone feel good.
Having an Orgasm – Similarities and Differences Among Us
While having an orgasm is a very unique experience for each individual, and even more different between the sexes, there are some similarities generally experienced by all to some degree. These include a feeling of warmth, changes in the pace or intensity of breathing, body vibrations, sweating, a sense of an altered state of consciousness, a need to cry out, feeling happy or giddy, and feeling sleepy.
Sexual Satisfaction – Giving as Much as You’re Getting
As men we know how easy, generally speaking, it is to reach that highest level of sexual satisfaction and have an orgasm. It’s not always so simple for women. They need more time than we do and if you want to ensure that your partner is left feeling as satisfied as you at the end of your encounter, you really should take your time with her body. You have many built in tools to help you give a woman an orgasm. You’ve got hands, lips, and your tongue at your disposal. Use them wisely. Wandering hands and caressing lips are a part of the complete experience.
Use your words. You don’t have to be nasty to be sexy. Whispering in her ear about the things you would like to do to her body or how hot she’s making you during sex will add to her feeling of connectedness which may help her relax and move towards that ultimate goal. It’s well known that the more comfortable a woman is with a man and the safer she feels, the more likely her chance of having an orgasm. Toys are a good aid as well. She or you could use her favorite vibrator on her clit while you’re deeply penetrating her from behind. The possibilites are endless. The point is to have fun and experiment to find out what works best for your woman.
Learning to delay your own gratification (lasting longer) will give you the time you need to invest in her pleasure and may intensify the sensation of your own orgasm once you get there.