You meet her in the park where you had your first official date outside of the bedroom. It’s been about four months and for some reason that initial spark is no longer there anymore. No one has mentioned the change in the dynamic between you two, but when you see her she’s already crying. She knows. For a second you change your mind about leaving her but she cuts you deep with the cliché phrase “I think we should see other people.”
Ok. No big deal right? You were going to break up with her anyway.
A couple of weeks pass by and you find out she has someone new. Now what? Break-ups are never easy. The feeling of rejection can leave you in an empty shell of your former self, drowning in a sea of questions like what could’ve been, what you didn’t do and most importantly: why are you still not over this?
Coping with a Breakup
The process is not easy, but here’s how to go through a break-up in a healthy way:
A break-up has similar stages as coping with death. No, your ex didn’t die (no matter how much you secretly wish they would), but you still lost someone who was at one point was very important to you.
It’s important to not wallow in the denial stage. Do not find yourself making late night drunken phone calls to your ex as if the break up didn’t happen – you guys are not together and it’s 3 AM. Put the phone down and sleep it off. Begin to go about your day without contacting your ex. It will help you with moving on as you learn to live without them.
You are still going to think about your ex. A song, movie, commercial or eating at their favorite restaurant is going to remind you of them and all of those feelings are going to come stampeding back like a herd of angry buffalo. This could send you spiraling into the depression stage, the most damaging stage – but only if you let it be.
We don’t all deal with our emotions in the same way, so if you and your ex broke up days, weeks or months ago and you’re now allowing yourself to feel hurt about it, cry, punch a pillow or do whatever you need to to get those emotions out. Hysterically cry so loud your neighbors are concerned, let it out it’s natural but the key is not to dwell on those hurt feelings. Once you have let those feelings come out, pick yourself up and remember that something beautiful blossomed from the relationship and just because it ended with one person doesn’t mean you can’t blossom with someone new.
Acceptance is necessary to getting through a break-up. When you reach a place of acceptance over the break-up that is when you are completely ready to move on. Some people jump right into a new relationship or sleep with a bunch of strangers to try to get over their ex but in doing those things you are only distracting yourself from your feelings and you are only pro-longing the hurt. You have to spend some time alone, get your life back to focusing on yourself and your happiness.
There is no rule book or a set time frame for coping because everyone is different and we deal with our emotions differently. But one thing is true: you can’t ignore your feelings. If you take time to take care of yourself, you’ll get through the break-up and will be ready to start a new journey with someone new.